you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
