theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
