I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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