She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
