i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
