Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
