jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
