Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
