ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
