Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
