Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
