Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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