if i can run in heels then i can drive
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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