I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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