Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
