First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
