a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
