it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
