So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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