We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
