Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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