Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
