i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
