If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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