I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
