I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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