I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
