walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
