also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
