You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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