dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
