i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize