I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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