I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
