Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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