i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
