Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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