just tell him i said nine months
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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