You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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