people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize