Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
