When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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