Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
