You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
