I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
