HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
there is glitter all over my balls
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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