my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
