It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
