this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
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Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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