i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
