eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Drake has all the answers
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
