did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
