she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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