Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
