you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
