he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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