I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
