I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
