Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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