Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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