i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
