You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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