You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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