people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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