She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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