i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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