It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize