He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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