dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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