my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize
