I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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