i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
