Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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