What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
