Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
