Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
