I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Come see our sink grown plant.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
