I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
