can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
