ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
